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Recent Posts . . .
Lying is No Way to Impress Anyone
I dreamt last night. And in the dreaming I was lying, manipulating. It was a group setting--people I know from different parts of my life--and we were each asked to share what it means to us to be vulnerable. People shared. And they were honest, authentic. Their very act of sharing was a beautiful example of vulnerability. Not hiding. Not pretending. Not faking. Peeling back layers of the heart to reveal the naked beautiful truth underneath.Yes, it was beautiful.Specifically, we were asked to share times in high school and in college when we demonstrated vulnerability. And in the dream, I am panicking. I not only want to be vulnerable; I want to do a rock-star job of being vulnerable. And what is so weird is that, in the dream--rather than confessing truth (and actually being vulnerable); I share lies.
Why I Can't Trust Myself, and Why that Has to Stop
It is time for me to admit I have no answers. To admit that I am not yet free. Confession: I hurt people around me. And I do this by idolizing myself. And success. And being right.When the self is an idol, the whole world, the way I perceive it, is warped. Even now I struggle to trust my own words, my feelings, my voice--a deep-seeded wound I thought was uprooted years ago. I don't know if I can trust myself.I know I can't. Not yet.
Look up, my darling, look up.
When I hear Him, this space I’m in, at this plain wooden table, this window with the cobwebs at the corner of the metal screen, this soft rumble of washing machine, this smell of wet dog near my feet, I study the room, looking for clues for what is different.
All is different? No, all is the same.